


Marriage is Overrated

by Official_Biscuit_Moron



Category: Gintama
Genre: Established Relationship, Generally Goofy Shenanigans, M/M, gintoki is irritated, ginzura are dumb and also dumb, pachigura are incredulous, zura's reminiscences
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 10:54:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30138462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Official_Biscuit_Moron/pseuds/Official_Biscuit_Moron
Summary: Like I’d ever get married!” Gintoki snaps. "Listen up, brat! Gin-san can’t be tied down so easily—float like a butterfly, sting like a bee, is what I always say. You really thinkI'dever marry somebody? No way. Gin-san doesn't do attachments.”“What a thing to say to your husband!” Katsura says, affronted."What?" Shinpachi and Kagura yelp."Husband?"/ / /Aka Zura tells tales of the past!
Relationships: Katsura Kotarou/Sakata Gintoki
Comments: 18
Kudos: 25





	Marriage is Overrated

**Author's Note:**

  * For [summertears](https://archiveofourown.org/users/summertears/gifts).



> hi sum!!!!! this is for you, i hope you enjoy!! <3

"Gin-chan," Kagura says, chewing lazily on a piece of sukonbu, "When are you gonna settle down and find a nice source of income?"

"Spouse, Kagura-chan, spouse," Shinpachi whispers.

"Oh, right. Thanks Patsuan. I meant house. When're you gonna get someone with a big fancy house?"

"Spouse, Kagura-chan."

“Like I’d ever get married!” Gintoki snaps. "Don't try to force me into matrimony. That sounds like a huge pain."

"No, just think about it!" Kagura says. "See, if you marry somebody super rich, you can leech off them! Just think of all the sukonbu you could buy with that kind of money. A whole mountain, Gin-chan!"

Unfortunately, her target is unmoved by this tantalizing vision. Kagura tries another approach.

"Just—just think of all the strawberry milk you could buy with that kind of money," she wheedles. "Enough to sit on! Like a throne! Enough to fill a fountain—no, a swimming pool—a lake—an _ocean!_ Just think about it. A big, pink, sweet ocean! All you could ever drink!"

Gintoki thinks, for a minute, about a fountain—swimming pool—lake— _ocean_ of strawberry milk. He starts drooling a little bit.

"Gin-san."

Gintoki looks up dumbly, then vigorously shakes his head and wipes the drool off with a grimace. "Curses. She nearly got me, dammit. Listen up, brat! Gin-san can’t be tied down so easily—float like a butterfly, sting like a bee, is what I always say. You really think _I'd_ ever marry somebody? No way. Gin-san doesn't do attachments.”

“What a thing to say to your husband!” Katsura says, affronted.

"What?" Shinpachi and Kagura yelp. _"Husband?"_

Gintoki jumps to his feet, looking wildly around the room. "Zura?! Where'd you come from? You weren't here a minute ago, oi, that's super creepy!"

“I'm not creepy, I'm your husband,” Katsura corrects. He brushes some dusty broken glass off of his shoulders. "Tch. I'm afraid I had a little bit of difficulty with a window while entering."

"Don't 'tch' me! You totally just broke into my house! You can just knock, y'know!"

Kagura whispers, “It can’t be...Gin-chan...and Zura? Married? No, that’s too gross, it can’t be...”

“Katsura-san...are you making this up?”

“I’m not making it up, I’m Katsura!”

“He’s definitely making it up,” Gintoki affirms, resuming his seat and fixing a dubious glare on their uninvited guest. “Zura, I don’t know what goes on in your dumb wig of a head, and I don’t want to know. Keep it to yourself, pal.”

“I’m not making it up!! Gintoki, you don’t remember? It was such a beautiful wedding...”

“Gin-chan! How could you get married and not invite me? Your own mother...Heartless, cruel son!” Kagura admonishes. She turns to Zura. “Was his gown long and gorgeous? Was it ten meters in the back?”

“Not quite, Leader.”

“Pitiful.” Kagura shakes her head. “If you’d have told me, I would’ve made sure it was ten meters. Hmph—this guy can't make our Gin-chan happy.”

“Kagura-chan, that’s hardly practical,” Shinpachi advises. “If it were that long, people would step all over it, and he’d trip. Let's keep it to five meters.”

“Oi oi, stop inventing your own versions of the story! We never got married! I’m telling you, it never happened!” Subtly, he motions Katsura closer and whispers in his ear, “Where’s my share of the wedding gifts, huh?”

“Um, it’s starting to look like it really did, Gin-san.”

“Now now, everyone,” Katsura says, pushing Gintoki's face away from his. When Gintoki childishly sticks his tongue out, Katsura reaches over and takes his hand. “It was nothing so extravagant. Gintoki and I are modest, worldly people—”

“Speak for yourself.”

“—and we hardly need such material representations of love. Gintoki...are you sure you don’t recall?”

“Not even a little bit, Zura. How could I recall something that came out of your weird brain?”

“It’s not Zura, it’s Katsura.”

Katsura adopts a solemn narrator voice, clutching Gintoki's hand to his chest. “It happened many years ago—sixteen years, to be exact. In the summer, when love sang through the air like the chirping of cicadas. On that warm, fateful day—”

“Sixteen years? I can’t even remember that far,” Gintoki says. “We were just little kids, there’s no way we got hitched.”

“Don’t interrupt, Gintoki!” he snaps.

"Huhhh?" Gintoki says, raising an eyebrow. He pulls his hand from Katsura's and crosses his arms. “Don’t tell me what to do! You're such a nag.”

"How could I not be, when you're always interrupting, interrupting—why, I can't get a word in edgewise!"

"Seems to me like you always manage to get plenty of words in edgewise," Gintoki says snidely.

“You know, I'm starting to believe him,” Shinpachi tells Kagura.

“I’m continuing,” Katsura says, resuming his narrator voice. Reluctantly, they all fall silent.

“Sixteen years ago, Sensei was teaching us about traditional marriage ceremonies. I, of course, picked it up perfectly, because I was his brightest pupil. He said so often. Takasugi did tolerably well, and was much better than Gintoki, who fell asleep and missed the whole lesson. Sensei tried to explain it to him after class, but he just wasn’t getting it.

“‘I’m not getting it,’ muttered Gintoki. ‘Just give up, Shoyo-sensei. It doesn’t matter, anyway.’

“But Sensei wouldn’t have it. He resolved that, if Gintoki couldn’t understand from his lessons, he would have to try something else.

“‘I’ll have to try something else,’ muttered Sensei.

“The decision was final; he’d have to try something else.

“Having decided he’d have to try something else, Sensei told Gintoki that, the next day, there would be a special lesson. 

“‘What could it be?’ muttered Gintoki, as we all went to bed.

“‘I don’t know, Gintoki,’ I muttered back. ‘Will you quiet down? I’m trying to sleep.’

“The next morning, Sensei woke us all fairly early—I remember, he had a hopeful gleam in his eyes. He declared that we would be doing a practical demonstration, to help Gintoki understand.

Katsura pauses solemnly and nods. “I don’t remember much of the ceremony.”

“Oi, that’s the main part!”

“You remember the “hopeful gleam,” but not the actual ceremony?!”

“You’re a terrible storyteller, Katsura-san.”

“Wait, wait,” Katsura yelps, grabbing at the trio’s sleeves to stop them from getting up. “Just wait! I said I don’t remember much! I do remember some things!”

Kagura and Shinpachi sink back onto the couch. Gintoki folds his arms over his chest. “Fine. Go on.”

“I do remember that each of us picked sticks for a role. Sensei was both of my parents and Takasugi was both of Gintoki’s—though, Takasugi looked more like a spurned ex-lover to me. Gintoki and I were the couple.

“But the thing is, Gintoki slept through the ceremony, too. He fell over and drooled all over my shoulder. It left quite the stain. Sensei wanted us to imagine that there was music playing, but the only music I could hear was Takasugi’s teeth grinding.” 

“Anyway,” Katsura says, staring dreamily into space, oblivious to the Yorozuya’s incredulous looks. “All that aside, it was a beautiful ceremony. I’m proud to call Gintoki my husband.”

“Of course he didn’t remember!” Shinpachi yells. “He was asleep!”

"What was all that about, shitty wig?!"

"It was the tale of our love, Leader!" Zura cries.

"Zura, I knew it before, but now I'm really convinced. You're completely delusional," Gintoki says. He stands up from his chair and rounds the desk, grabbing Katsura's arm.

Frogmarching the protesting rebel towards the door and trying desperately to suppress the smile rising to his face, he mutters, "Jeez. I'm really never getting married."

**Author's Note:**

> zura's story so shocked and appalled the yorozuya that he got out of paying for the window for a couple of hours. only a couple of hours, though


End file.
